Last weekend I went to the Trident Team Open. I was going to write about the event but then a new thought came to mind. Something I think needs to be talked about more in our spaces and that is the shared experience between players.

Before we go any further: The event was very good, and I had a great time. Trident events are always quality, and the people I played my games with are all great. Scotty I miss you already. This isn’t really about any of that.

In my last game I played against a CSM player who had informed me it was his first competitive event. During this game, around the end of turn 3 he says to me, unprompted, mid me rolling to evaporate his terminators, “Josh you’re honestly the nicest guy at this event.”

This was really surprising to me, I’m use to Edmonton being generally super positive in terms of people in the 40k community, something I think is fostered by our community leaders. He went on to tell me about how he wasn’t having the best time socially and told me all the stories that came with it.

I don’t want to go into too much detail, it’s not so much mine to share. But I do want to talk about how as a player I think it’s your job to give the other player across from you an enjoyable experience.

When you meet someone for a game of whatever you intend to play, there is an expectation that both people with walk away feeling either neutral or happy about that experience.

Too often we tie the idea of winning to getting either of those outcomes. If we’ve lost we don’t want to feel like we had a good time. If we got tabled turn two it’s very easy to not feel either of those emotional expectations to come true.

Why?

In my very first event I ever played I had a total of five points, before paint, across three games.

I had a blast that day and made a lot of long time friends out of it. Even won favorite opponent, which is easily my most cherished memory during my time playing 40k.

Maybe it was because everyone felt bad for me, but I like to think that because I had good energy the entire game and laughed as each player tabled me turn 1.

I think I’ve lost that to some extent, and I miss being that positive beacon. In a way, this article is just as much for me as it is for you.

Anyone who knows me now is aware that I can get real salty sometimes. Which a very normal human thing, but I think when it comes at the cost of our opponents achievements and enjoyment of the game, we’ve perhaps lost the plot.

To find our way back lets acknowledge why we all engage in Warhammer at a fundamental level:

• To have fun. At its core when you agree to play Warhammer (or any hobby for that matter) it’s because you want to feel a sense of enjoyment.

• Create or maintain social connections. If you are not looking to make friends when playing Warhammer, Magic, D&D, or whatever you enjoy tabletop wise, you are in the wrong space.
  • “Josh that’s gatekeeping!!!” I disagree. If you didn’t want to not make friends or enjoy a social environment you wouldn’t pick a game that requires a second person. Even the painters of our hobbies want to show off their work to others and connect in that way.

I don’t know if there is any other reason.

If your reason to play Warhammer is just to win, this might be the core of why you don’t enjoy the hobby.

I love winning. It’s super sick. But if that’s all you’re there for, then damn, maybe it’s time to reevaluate.

None of this is to say that you have to have super energy all the time and be sunshine and positive rainbows. Just acknowledge that after the game, you can choose to either make a friend through a shared experience or make someone feel bad or uncomfortable.

I get like 3 hours of sleep before every event and my first rounds are usually 0 energy Josh who is 0% jokes and smiles. But that doesn’t mean I can’t engage positively with an opponent.

If they’re rolling all 1’s to hit for the first three turns, you should mention how absurd that is. It’s likely not a skill issue.

If they make 15, 5+ feel no pains and had to pass 14 to live, acknowledge how stupid that is but find the hilarity in the narrative of it all. (True story by the way.)

If stupid math rocks are truly giving you a terrible experience, and you’ve stopped enjoying the game then take a break. There is nothing wrong with backing up and saying, “This game/edition/season isn’t for me.” Go do something else entirely, or maybe just paint. Explore different game modes like Crusade.

Come back to the part of the game you weren’t enjoying later. Or don’t, I want you to be happy. Sometimes stepping away is what it takes.

Especially if your lack of enjoyment leaks over to the other opponent. They signed up to have fun and make a social connection. Not to hear John complain about how he can’t land a single wound (while shooting bolters into a Vindicator) and that the game sucks.

Hey. Nobody asked.

You opponent certainly didn’t ask for bad vibes. I doubt they feel very good that you’re having a bad time and wouldn’t want you to feel how you’re making them feel.

“Oh gee, can’t wait to spend 3 hours feeling guilty for playing Warhammer!”

You get me?

Crazy how “Treat others how you want to be treated” comes up all the time. Damn.

I know this can all be especially hard during a competitive event. We all like to win and to feel like our time investment is being rewarded. Our opponent likely feels the same way. Celebrate yours and their victories, and show that you can appreciate why your opponent might be feeling down about the game.

Here are some tips for you (and me) to create more positive experiences.

The first is to find the core of why you’re having such a miserable time. If you find that it is because you’re losing way more than average, it’s likely not because of dice. Engage with the game more meaningfully. If you have someone in your community who is really good at the game, get a game in with them, and ask them what you could be doing better.

Believe me, I had some salty moments learning Aeldari recently, but in the games where I acknowledged that I wasn’t losing because everything is T12, it was because my list sucked and couldn’t deal with T12 spam, I both had a better time in future games using what I learned, and had a better time while losing in those games because I knew I could do something different next time.

This doubles for anyone new at the game. Buddy, you suck at the game. And that’s ok. Play more, and play more meaningfully. You’ll start to have a way better time.

Second is to try and find the positive sides of everything. This is more of a life skill that takes discipline to develop, but Warhammers a great place to start developing it.

Yeah, your freshly painted Mortarion who was super going to wreck your friend (it wasn’t) just got destroyed turn 1. But Typhus just rolled three sixes in a row for his ability. That’s got to feel really good.

Fail that 3″ charge? That sucks, but you also just made 12/13 4+ invulnerable saves on your terminators. Your opponents Khain is very sad. (Extremely true story. The trauma is real.)

Third is to acknowledge why someone might be down during a game. It doesn’t feel good to lose a game, no matter who you are. It’s up to both you and the opponent to make sure that the loss doesn’t spiral into a miserable experience for both players. Sometimes buying a Pepsi for your new friend is all it takes to reset the tone.

Last, accept that Warhammer will never be a truly competitive game, so stop pretending that it is, and accept it’s flaws.

The amount of different army rules, datasheets, and interactions between them is near impossible to find a perfect balance on. There will be frustrating and unfair things. It’s just par for the course. Wow I just understood that saying for the first time.

Find what you enjoy in a game, and play that game.

If that’s too much to handle, then go play Chess. Nothing wrong with wanting different things. I support your preferences and hope you can fulfill those needs. We love chess around here.

That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

I don’t know if any of this was coherent. But I was really inspired to talk about this. I want you to make friends, and to go to events excited to see those friends.

I hate having friends who don’t go to events. I feel bad that they’re missing out on meeting so many cool people.

I don’t just go to events to play the game, I go to laugh with my friends, new and old. And for the onion rings. Those were so good dude.

Some people just want to be negative. I don’t want you to be one of those people, and I know you don’t either. Find the small joys and share them.

Thanks everyone.

Be safe.

Buy your new friend a water.